I don't know why I'm surprised really. I always get lower marks than I think I am getting. I just got back two marks for this term. A- in People, Pollution and the environment (Biol 381) and B+ Global Change (Eas 208). I don't know if I'm going to cry, rant or just keep sighing. I think it's heading towards crying. I thought for this semester the worst case scenario was A-'s. I honestly didn't even think a B+ was possible. Well, I was proven wrong yet again.
Here is me thinking: I got an 80 on the midterm, I got over 90 in both assignments and I THOUGHT that the final was a cake walk. Clearly not. So now do I go through the pain of emailing the prof and asking what I got on the final? (Crying now). Do I actually go see the final? Look through word for word where I misunderstood? Where I just didn't get it?
Why? I can't believe that I'm just not smart enough. Maybe that's conceited or maybe that's self-preservation but honestly, why? It doesn't seem to matter if it's a hard or an easy class. I just don't get As. It doesn't matter how much I study or how much I care or if I go to class or how many how-to-study sessions I go to.
And now I'm left sitting in my scrubs coming off of volunteering at a vet clinic with my Christmas holidays, getting to know the profession that I'll never get the grades to get into. I don't think it's too strong to say that University has crushed my spirit. Right now I cringe thinking about gearing up for another fucking semester where I have to fool myself into thinking that I can actually get an A in a class that isn't Art History.
And the really sad part, as pointed out by my friend at coffee not an hour ago, and as is true for so many other girls, is that I would make a fantastic vet. And I challenge anybody to say otherwise.
Oh, Jamu. I wish I could be there. Big hug! Make sure to talk to the prof... there can only be benefit there, no harm. I don't know if this is at all the case, but I did once have a class where I thought I would do better than I did and it turns out there was an error and I went up a letter grade. You never know...
ReplyDeleteGo drink a cup of tea and spend some time cuddling with Raga, or go for a walk in the beautiful outdoors! Miss you, talk to you soon.
Jeanine
Ahh I can't help but think our depressing conversation at coffee led to this...lol.
ReplyDeleteYes the U of A is foolish, but with your determination and drive you can't let it bring you down. Getting an A- in one of the toughest biology classes with one of the weirdest profs is a HUGE accomplishment and just shows how much you are capable of. You WILL make a great vet, not WOULD make a great vet.
Thanks everyone. You are really too sweet. I am dramatic but it is true that U of A has taken away many things from me so I feel that I have cause. Anyway, wanted to let y'all know that as I was having my meltdown I got a message from my Art History prof. with my final term paper mark (A+). If I've calculated it right I have an 84.735 in the class. You need an 85 to get an 'A'. Wish me luck - you just never know with U of A.
ReplyDeleteI must second the vote of talking with your prof - not just at the end of the semester, but throughout the term. Very few students actually do this (and fewer and fewer as generations change), but there is so much to be gained in terms of understanding the content and understanding the educator's expectations.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the rest of your marks and don't get too down! I only ended up with a B+ in my microbiology this semester, but somehow managed a A- in physiology (which I though was going to be a B- based on the final).
ReplyDeleteRemember that marks aren't everything!